(Game) Crusader Kings 2.

"The Killer`s breed or the Demon`s seed,
The glamour, The fortune, the pain, 
Go to war again, blood is freedom`s stain,
But dont you pray for my soul, anymore,
Two minutes to midnight,
The hands that threaten doom,
Two minutes to midnight,
To kill the unborn in the womb"


Iron Maiden - Two Minutes To Midnight.


Apt words from probably the greatest band ever to come out of Britain, they seem almost perfect to describe the tale of Duncan the Great, the once and future King of Scotland.

King Duncan was a genius, no doubt about it, by kissing the Pope`s posterior as often as humanly possible and by careful cultivation of his nobles and enemies he was one of the most  celebrated rulers in Europe.
My predecessors were careful custodians of the Crown, they did nothing to rock the boat and nothing to expand the territory of Scotland.

All that changed with the accession of Duncan to the throne.

Within a decade Scotland was unified, Ireland was half conquered thanks to my wonderfully devious Chancellor who was adept at creating false claims to territories i had my eyes on and best of all i had betrothed all 6 of my children to royal families across Europe.

Then it all came crashing down.

One by one my children began dying, the youngest son of Duncan died at age 3 and none of his siblings survived to come of age.

I discovered that my brother-in-law, a man i had raised from obscurity to to rule over 5 of my provinces was casually murdering his way to become the Heir to my kingdom.

Well, Duncan the Great was going to put a stop to that, i immediately attempted to imprison my treacherous relative but unfortunately he escaped my men and launched into full scale rebellion.

Duncan's action also riled up the Lords of the realm and three of them immediately joined the rebellion, suddenly i was fighting for my life and just as the last few Rebel armies were being crushed underfoot King Duncan died.

At 72 it was clear he couldn't last long but his untimely death led to the last heir of my house, the 22 year old Angus being catapulted into the monarchy, suddenly the nation launched into open rebellion, brother fighting brother and why? why was Angus so unpalatable?

Angus was gay.

Not a good thing to be during the medieval era, close-mindedness being a staple of the times,   this was simply unacceptable to the nobles and within two months of his Crowning Angus lay imprisoned, his only daughter betrothed to my former brother-in-law.

Game Over.

This is, in my most esteemed opinion, one of the reasons that gaming today is as good as its ever been, intricate, emergent game-play, utterly unscripted is simply better than the linearity of modern games.

The scenario detailed above is only one of the brilliant sessions i`ve had the joy of playing with this game and its something that every strategy games developer should be paying attention to.

This. Is. The. Way. Forward!


Paradox`s Deeper-than-the-Marianas Clausewitz powered Titan is capable of creating some of the best game play you will ever experience, accessibility is treated as somewhat of a dirty word by the enthusiasts but the company does at least nod its head in the direction of making the game easier for first-timers.

The interface of the game is excellently designed, even a complete newcomer to the, often imposing, Paradox series of games should be able to grasp it within about ten minutes of starting out.

Of course "winning" in this game is a series of trials and errors, you WILL be outmanoeuvred by the often brilliantly cunning AI into positions of no hope but I believe that this lack of hand-holding is utterly necessary to the genre, the sense of achievement you feel upon a successful conquest or diplomatic mission is magnified immensely when you figure it out on your own.

Medieval games have been rather hit and miss in recent years with only Creative Assembly`s Medieval 2 being a true success but where that game was entirely about your military escapades this game is about intrigue, plots and deceptions.

The importance of appointing good men (and women) to your council cannot be understated, you will never function properly without a good team to control everything from Spying to Religion and best of all, instead of Medieval 2`s rather bland array of characters, these characters have their own ambitions and secret plots.

Juggling these plots is one of the hardest things in the game, it truly does a wonderful job of replicating the era but there is a sharp difficulty curve there and the levels of Menus in the game can be incredibly intimidating.

Its also rather hapless when it comes to military battles, while you should assign characters to take control of the flanks of your army it never feels necessary, rather it seems that its just a question of numbers and luck as you see your army, depicted as a single warrior on the world map, strike at the other with the numbers relentlessly counting down.

So, should you buy it?

Difficult question as always but I feel if your into your strategy games and love a challenge then this game is a must play, its just so different to all the others out there.

If however your more of a person who enjoys his strategy on a medium difficulty level and love the base building, troop creating thing then I cant recommend it to you.

Its just so different to all the other games out there.

Demo.

(Book) Bret Hart - Hitman

I feel like somewhat of a voyeur when it comes to autobiographies.

There in your hands you hold the entire life story of a human being, whether written by a ghost-writer or not, warts and all these are the actions of a fellow human who walks like you, talks like you, eats like you and sometimes thinks like you.
Its a strange sensation to not only read the thoughts of others but then try and place yourself in their shoes and wonder whether it would have made any difference if you were the person in those situations, it feels to me like im being asked to render judgement on the life - a task ,in this case, that is almost impossible.

I was born in 1985, when i hit the age of 6 there were only two things important to me:- Star Trek and the World Wrestling Federation.
My dreams were full of becoming the WWF Champion, every action figure i had were wrestlers whether they wanted to be or not, my Heroes being Hulk Hogan, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, The Million Dollar Man and of course Bret "The Hitman" Hart.

When you grow up idolising a person eventually you hit a period when you question whether the guy you think the world of is everything he seems to be, that period never seemed to come for me and when I eventually stopped watching wrestling at the end of 2004 he remained the same Hero he`d always been in that part of a person that doesn't grow up.

So, to the book.

The autobiography itself is taken from Bret`s audio diary that he kept for most of his professional career and the level of detail it provides is staggering.
Although clearly biased from the perspective of the author as all autobiographies are, this book right from the beginning of his life to the moment he recovers from his stroke pulls no punches whatsoever, its incredibly hard hitting and does not shy away from issues in wrestling that previous biographies simply leave out.
He names wrestlers that used not merely Steroids but prescription pain medication, marijuana and cocaine and those wrestlers that were drinking virtual lakes of alcohol.

He`s also remarkably frank about his personal life which, to me, was hard reading.

Its very difficult of course for a man such as myself to put myself in his position, being on the road 300 days a year is something ill never be in a position to do, but it does come across that his excuses for his many acts of infidelity seem almost pleading.
His justification for his use of steroids seemed also very weak and felt to me that the whole story of their use by him may not have been told.

The sense of voyeurism reaches uncomfortable levels when he speaks of the tragic "Over The Edge" pay-per-view in 1999 where his brother Owen dies in a tragic accident, the outpouring of grief is almost physically palpable and your heart goes out to a man that will forever be tormented by the thought that if not for Montreal then his brother may still be alive.

Owen`s death also tore apart the entire Hart family and its devastating effects are written about in full to the point where again it becomes almost uncomfortable to read them.

Of course the real meat in the book for wrestling fans will be about the "Montreal Screw-job" and the book does not disappoint in that regard, every word, slap and tear is written about in such detail that if you are possesed of an active imagination visualising it comes very very easy.

Having said all that he is remarkably funny, especially when speaking of the cartoons he used to draw in the locker room and there is an event concerning Ric Flair that will have you in stitches, his stories of life on the road - both in Stampede Wrestling and in the World Wrestling Federation - are stories that wrestling fans need to read as they are as funny as they are illuminating.


So after all that, the real question - should you buy it? well that's a hell of a question that depends on the kind of person you are, bear with me a second:

If your the type of person who has only a passing interest in wrestling then the answer is a stonewall "Yes"
If your the type of person who has no interest in wrestling the the answer remains "Yes"
if you are the type of person who grew up with him as your hero then the answer is "No"

I wrote the first part about my background because i felt it was important to get across that this man was my Hero, with a capital "H".
Reading his book was a gripping experience that was, may i say it?, excellently executed but it was a big hit to the child that dwells within.

Hell i know people aren't as they seem and that people you grow up idolising are human just like you are but it is a difficult thing to take on board and accept, i honestly didn't know or looked over the fact that Shatner wore a toupee for gods sake!

Its often said that you shouldn't meet your heroes  but I never heard it said that you shouldn't read what they write.

perhaps they should?

Demo

Without Any Fanfare.

Greetings denizens of the mightly realm of the Internet.

This site stands as the self-styled last bastion of freedom of review left on the Internet, while there are countless sites out there that offer a comprehensive coverage of single devices/platforms/media/wallpaper there is no one site where its all picked up and slammed together into a giant ball of confused mish mash.

Welcome to the site of not knowing whether ill be reviewing a PC game, a CD, a festival, a CPU, a camera, toilet paper or even the Internet itself!

I hope you enjoy yourself and have a fun time reading, im well aware this may be read by noone but i simply dont care, this is going to be fun whether others realise it or not!

Demo.